7 Things I Learned in November

       I got the idea for this post from Jennie & Emily Freeman. I love the idea of keeping track of random, silly, or serious little things I learn. With "preg-nesia" setting in, I need all the help I can get. Here are just a few of the random things I have learned in the month of November.

1. My choices & self-discipline today will help me be who I want to be tomorrow.

This isn't profound and is actually fairly obvious. It just took me a little longer to believe it.

2. I learned how to improvise with this new recipe.

I've been craving some "homey" food lately. We don't have a pan/dish that I could use to cook meatloaf, so I found a recipe on Pinterest for how to cook meatloaf in muffin pans. I used my mom's classic meatloaf recipe & the Pinterest link's cooking instructions. Montana & I loved them. I'm going to try to cook some of these and freeze them (without the topping) for nights when I am not home early. Yay new freezer meals!

Easy "Mini" Meatloaves 

(makes ~10 small meatloaves)

Meatloaf:

1 lb ground beef or chuck

1 packet of onion soup mix

1 egg

1/2 cup of milk

(add finely chopped green peppers if desired)

Topping:

Ketchup (about a cup)

A pinch of brown sugar 

(I substituted regular sugar because we were out & it tasted fine)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix meat, soup mix, egg, & milk in a mixing bowl with hands (take off your rings!). Make sure your muffin pan is non-stick or greased. Put mixture in the muffin pan (should fill about 10 slots, fill the other 2 with water). Cook at 350 degrees for 30 min. Combine ketchup & sugar in a small bowl. Remove meatloaves from oven and add a tablespoonful of topping to each. Cook for 10 additional minutes. Serve with green beans & loaded mashed potatoes!

As you can see, they're adorable.

3. Becoming a parent gave me a whole new, unique perspective on life. (and my baby isn't even out of my tummy!)

I remember the day that we found out that we were pregnant. The first thing that hit me was that just an hour before that, all I had been thinking about was myself & how life had gotten oddly comfortable & fairly easy. I literally thought to myself, "I can finally hit my 'cruise' button in life" (HA!). Suddenly, my mind had to switch from 'Me' to 'We.'

I don't know much yet, but I have seen one major change. Certain things (issues, questions, cultural norms) that once seemed 'grey' became much more black & white when I gained a parent-perspective. On the other hand, I now judge people less harshly for making mistakes with their kids. I have learned great respect for parents, especially single parents, and I am humbled to realize how little I've known up to this point without this perspective. I can't wait to see what else I learn when I actually have my child in front of me!

4. Our kid will probably have friends with names like...

Declan, Sophia, Emmett, Aiden, Evelyn, Wyatt, Lillian, Henry and every possible variation of Isabella.  I think it is hilarious that there could be so many Declans or Chloes that they'll have to be distinguished by their last initial in school - "Mrs. Smith, do you mean Declan A. or Declan C.?" 

5. I can do seemingly mundane things for the glory of God.

Dishes, cleaning, organizing, planning, reading, writing. I think knowing that your daily tasks have purpose is so important for perseverance & living well.

6. Changing something about yourself takes intentionality. Also, I am approval seeking.

I am trying to choose one thing every couple of months to examine about myself & to change. I had to do this for my counseling class at Southern, and it really challenged and helped me. I realized that changing something about myself doesn't just happen. I have to be intentional about taking steps to facilitate the change process. A plan of change and journaling for accountability help too.

 I've always known that I'm not exactly a people-pleaser, but I do want to make people who are important to me happy. I have learned that many times I want to make them happy because I want their approval more than anything. I feel pressure to perform because I'm afraid of what people might think if I mess up. (Gasp) They'll know I'm not perfect! Thankfully, God has used pregnancy to help me see this quality in myself & to show me what it is like to be free from that struggle for approval. He reminds me of Titus 3:4-5: "But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy." I don't have to do anything to win God's approval. I already have it because of Jesus. That lets me rest peacefully when I make a mistake, when I don't meet standards, or when I disappoint someone. It's a reminder that I'm not perfect, and I shouldn't expect myself or others to be perfect.

7. I learned that about 3% of women today under 25 with a bachelor's degree have children.

So if marrying my high school sweetheart at 21 didn't make me counter-cultural enough, this sweet kid pushed me over the edge. ;)

The Self-Checkout Phenomenon

     This is quite possibly the most random post I have ever imagined writing, but I wanted to share what the Lord taught me last week through a self-checkout machine.

- - - - - -

   The automatic doors at Target could not open fast enough. I was in a hurry to make my purchase and go home. I got what I needed and, as usual, power-walked straight for the self-checkout machines.

     The line was longer than usual. A man and his wife not-so-stealthily skipped in front of me. Then, I noticed that they, along with everyone else in my line, were looking at the other checkout stations that were manned by cashiers. Those lines were clearly shorter (1-2 people), yet no one moved away from the now enormous self-checkout line. Within a minute the cashiers had no customers. Everyone in my line looked away, pretending not to notice that those cashier stations were open (which was incredibly comical). Intrigued, I remained in the line for the sole purpose of waiting to see who caved. And NO ONE did! Cashiers watched as 20 people slowly went through self-checkout.

- - - - - -

     I have seen this self-checkout phenomenon several times since then (in Kroger, Walmart, etc), and it got me thinking...

   Why do we use self-checkout stations?
   1) We want to get in and out quickly.
        Sometimes it is quicker to do this, especially when you only have one 
        item or when Walmart only has 2 register stations open.

   2) It is fun and makes you feel in control.
        Don't lie, you love scanning your own stuff and using that touch screen.

   3) We want to avoid human interaction. 
        This is usually my reason. It is all about me. Getting what I need, doing it myself, and getting out on my time with as few interruptions as possible. Human interaction takes effort on my part. Last week, I went into Kroger three times, got what I needed, used the self-checkout, and left. I made 3 transactions without speaking to anyone.We don't just do this in stores. Today it would be totally possible to go to college and, if you played your cards right, avoid talking to anyone for a whole month (made even easier if the class is lecture-based). We tend to stay in our bubbles and get annoyed if anyone interrupts what goes on in that bubble.

 
     What do I need to do?
     If people have dignity because they are made in God's image, I need to go out of my way to show them that dignity. People need to know that they have value. None of this is new information. All I am proposing is that there are very practical, daily ways to share the love of Christ and show respect to people. It's about reevaluating how and why I interact with the people.

     1) Avoid the self-checkout.
        Sometimes this is the only option, but I want to stop isolating myself and interact with people who may need their day brightened by a warm smile and kind customer. When you choose self-checkout over a cashier, you tell that person that they are not valuable and you do not appreciate their work. Also, avoiding self-check promotes jobs.

     2) Slow down and embrace interruptions.
        I need to keep my world from being all about me. I need to slow down and make time for people because they deserve it. I need to ask sincerely "How are you today?" and to be prepared to stay for 5-10 minutes if the answer is more honest than "Fine." I need to put my phone down whenever possible so that people know that they are worth my complete attention.


     3) Be a friendly regular.
        I need to seek interaction with people instead of avoiding it and staying in my natural bubble of introversion. Being a "regular" at Starbucks and a local ice cream place has allowed me and MJ to get to know the people who work there. They are serving us, and they deserve to know that we are interested in them, not just our order. We have met some really cool people that way and enjoy going even more now that we know a friendly face will always greet us. Simply calling someone by their name can show them that you care. Being a regular who cares is one easy way to show people that they are valuable. 
Get involved in people's lives. Learn their names. Have meaningful conversations. Love them.

Penny Pinching: 9 Easy Steps to Spending Less

As newlyweds MJ and I had to learn new ways to save money. The ones I have listed below are so helpful, and they do not require you to make drastic changes to your life.

1. Create a budget and stick to it.

     If you don't have a plan, you will never be able to spend less. Make a budget, and decide where all of your money will go - no matter whether it is spent or saved. Include monthly costs (rent, groceries, gas, etc.) and budget for unexpected expenses (car parts, school expenses, etc. - for us it was my repeated doctor visits). A budget is useless if you do not keep up with it. Consistently check to ensure that you are staying within your limitations. If you don't know how to make a budget, find an older or more experienced person who does and ask them to help you.

2. Communicate about spending.

     Because MJ keeps up with our budget and accounts, I usually consult him before I spend more than $20. He has never asked me to do this, but I am glad that we talk about finances. Our friends who did our marriage counseling told us that money is one of the main instigators of arguments in marriage. There is no need to put additional stress on your spouse by spending money that you don't have. I never want to do that to MJ, so we talk about what we feel like we can spend.

3. Don't go to the mall.

     This may seem silly, but there is a larger principle behind it. Generally, you won't want it if you don't see it. Stay away from places like the mall when you don't have extra money to spend. The goal of every store is to get you to buy something. "Window-shopping" when you are trying to save is a terrible idea. And to all the ladies out there - limit your time on Pinterest when you're broke. Pinterest is a virtual mall. It is filled with unusually expensive outfits, home decor, and jewelry that you don't need. Don't tempt yourself if you're trying to save!

4. Sleep on purchases over $45.00.

    The best way to know if you really need or want something is to sleep on it. You can usually tell within two or three days if this would be an unnecessary impulse buy or if you actually need it. Also, don't make huge purchases alone. Consult your spouse to see what he/she thinks. They may think of a large upcoming expense for which you need to save.

5. Figure out how you relate to cash.

     If you tend to spend cash when you have it, only keep enough cash with you for three or four tips at restaurants (in case you use a gift card). Some people like us are less likely to spend dollars here and there (which usually adds up quickly) if they do not have cash with them. If you are less likely to spend money when it is in your pocket instead of your account, keep the money you have budgeted for that week in your wallet.

6. Eat at home.

     Eat lunch and dinner at home whenever possible. It is usually much cheaper (and healthier) to cook something for dinner than go out, and it is nearly always cheaper (and healthier) to eat lunch at home. Fast food is no exception. You usually spend as much as you would at home or more (a ChickFilA combo is usually between $5-$7 per person). 

     We've discovered the joy of eating leftovers in the past year. It is a good feeling to know that you are saving money and still getting what you need. 

     When you do go out to eat, order water & share meals when reasonable. Go to restaurants where you will get your money's worth (Macaroni Grill gives you as many loaves of bread as you want, and you're guaranteed leftovers!).

7. Get Netflix instead of cable.

     We have not missed cable one bit. I realized that it took up way too much of my time anyway. There is more than enough to watch on Netflix (movies, TV series, documentaries, etc.), and it saves you money. A fun date night idea is to get a $5 pizza from Little Caesar's & watch two documentaries on something you're each interested in. You're sure to learn something (about each other and some random topic) and laugh. And you only spend $5.00!

8. Only use coupons on items that you will use.

     You could give me a coupon for $4.00 off a $5.00 jar of olives. I could use that and buy a food that I hate and will never ever eat, or I could save the dollar and buy organic tomatoes (which I will use) instead of regular ones. Do not use coupons to get food or items that you will not use. You end up with alot of stuff you will never use and you have spent a little money here and there that adds up in the end. What's the use of being Couponing Queen of the Universe if you will not use what you buy? Don't use coupons for the sake of using coupons. You may spend more than you need to spend. That being said, try to use good coupons. If you have a coupon that will get you a pound of ground beef for $1 (what a dream), use it and find good recipes that require ground beef.

9. Designate a "No-Spend Day" each week.

     Pick one day out of the week that will be your "No-Spend Day." Do not spend any money on that day. It is alot easier than you think. Spending less is all about getting creative & accomplishing what you need to by spending less. Use creativity and see how much you can do for free on No-Spend Day. For example, on Tuesdays you could eat breakfast at home, go to the Dixon Gardens & Art Gallery after 10am for free (ok, maybe donate a dollar), then go to the zoo, eat a packed picnic lunch there, and finish off the day biking around Shelby Farms. FOR FREE.

Blindness & Grace

       We tend to be blind to our own shortcomings, so it is always interesting to me when I discover one of my own less-than-flattering habits (to put it lightly). Actually, it isn't so much that I discover it as it is revealed to me. The process usually goes something like this: normal experience, revelation concerning self, denial (internal temper tantrum), acknowledgement, crossroads, decision.

     A few weeks ago, I was severely annoyed when someone messed up...a typical experience for most of us. I was grumbling internally until I realized that I had done precisely the same thing two days earlier. Suddenly, I could so clearly hear, "You expect perfection from others and less than that from yourself, and you give less grace to others than you expect to receive." Blinders removed. The widened view was a little too much to handle at first.

     Resistance came, but I knew I wouldn't win this one. I began analyzing my life and realized how great this tendency is. I expect others to be perfect, but I expect to be given second and third (and fourth) chances for myself. I began to think, "What if people expected of me what I expect of them?" I didn't have to think for a long time. I already knew how that felt. There have been countless people in my life who have expected me to be perfect - or certainly near perfect. It is suffocating, pressure-inducing, unrealistic and unfair. And I do it too.

    So came my crossroads of consistency. Road One: I can continue holding everyone else to a standard of perfection and simply begin expecting the same of myself. Road Two: I can begin extending to other people the unending grace that I have found in Christ. He lavishes one-way love (as Paul Zahl put it) on me even though I have done everything to make myself undeserving. The first road will lead to self-hatred because, just like everyone else, I will fail. The second road will lead to Christ-likeness and a exhibition of the Gospel in my life. I am called to go down that second road, so here I go. I know sometimes I will drift back to the first (I get distracted easily), but I really want to follow that second road. I think life will be much happier there.



A great read for recovering perfectionists/legalists/'good girls' is Emily P. Freeman's Grace for the Good Girl.

Marriage Lessons: Year One

MJ and I have been married for one year, so I thought I would rekindle my love for writing things down by reflecting on a few things I have learned over this short period.

People think you are extra responsible if you’re married at a ‘young’ age.

           

            You become the “‘old’ married couple” quickly. Everyone assumes you know much more about life than you really do. You know how to cook ALL the meals. You know how to fix ALL the domestic problems. You know what the responsible decision is in ALL situations. They’re partially right. It is really comical because we still feel like kids in a lot of ways, but marriage will mature you and your way of thinking.

You need less than what you think that you need.

            Marriage and sacrifice go hand-in-hand. Being married so young and still in college, we have had to learn to do without things that we thought we needed.  I think this is especially difficult for women (new clothes, home décor, jewelry, shopping as a hobby, etc.). However, it makes you realize what is important in life and what is not. Marriage is worth the sacrifice.

You are selfish, and it will show.

            I am way more selfish than I knew, and it showed this year. I quickly realized that I can choose to have petty arguments over stupid things, or I can recognize that marriage is part of my sanctification. Marriage makes you look more like Jesus because every day you have to make the choice to deny yourself (in big and small ways) what you really want in order to love and serve your spouse.

In marriage, you’re free to be you…and you are weird.

People have weird habits, and spouses become oddly comfortable. The pressure to be accepted has subsided with a life-long commitment, and the weird habits are voluntarily exposed. I’ll never forget MJ showing me how he folds towels. It’s weird…to me. And my way was weird to him. Our vows should’ve included, “For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, for when you leave clothes on the end of the bed or for when you leave a pile of shoes by the door, for when you sing “10,000 Reasons” for the ten-thousandth time or for when you take up your side of the bed…and mine.”

Different doesn’t always mean wrong.

Your spouse’s different way of completing a task isn’t always the ‘wrong’ way. We both look for efficient ways to get things done. However, we have those weird habits previously mentioned that are not always efficient. I used to ask, “Why don’t you do it this way?” a lot. If I saw a faster, ‘better’ way of doing something, I thought I was being helpful by suggesting that he do it that way. However, when he did the same to me, I was frustrated that he would not let me do it how I had planned or wanted to do it. I learned that a different way isn’t always a wrong way. Just because he wants to take the roads that he knows rather than taking the fastest route does not mean his way is wrong. Suggestions are fine every now and then, but I don’t need to point out that I would’ve done it differently.

Marriage is fun.

            It is so awesome to share the littlest and biggest life happenings with your best friend. Some of my favorite moments have been when MJ and I are just being stupid together or doing simple things like going to get ice cream at 10pm. There are lots of laughs and smiles to be had.

Marriage is hard.

            If you think six years of dating is adequate preparation for marriage, you’re wrong. Been there, done that…this year was still tough. No amount of dating can completely prepare you for marriage because they aren’t the same. People told us and statistics show that marriage is hard (especially the first year), but everyone thinks they will be the exception. There are unforeseen frustrations and arguments, but if you honor God and fight for a good marriage, you will come out better and stronger on the other side of every issue.

Marriage is the best.

            There’s no other way to say it. It’s so comforting to know someone will be by your side no matter what. It is good to have a person in this world who knows everything about you and still says each day, “I chose you forever.” I love MJ more today than I ever have because of our marriage. God created marriage as a picture of the Gospel – we don’t come to God with a list of good things we have done hoping He will take us. He makes a covenant of salvation with anyone who comes to Him and says to Him, “I have sinned, but I trust Jesus’ life and death were enough to forgive that. I am forgetting the life I knew and am walking with You now. I want to commit myself and my life to You.” He responds with a resounding and perfect “I do” commitment of His own. In the same way, MJ and I left the separate lives we knew. We brought nothing to the table that day except a covenant of unwavering commitment that will be kept forever. Marriage is God’s way of changing us, loving us, and showing us a mirror of how He has loved us – deeply, unconditionally, and faithfully.

“Two are better than one…” Ecclesiastes 4:9